Monday, 21 November 2011

Daddy is a big, fat stinky poo head

It took me awhile to decide upon the name of this post. I may have included some expletives amongst my list of ideas and by 'some', I mean 'heaps'. The inequities between the mummy and the daddy STILL pisses me off sometimes. Raising a child is supposed to be a team effort- in most cases it isn't. There is a huge disparity in workload right from the beginning. I don't know a mummy alive who hasn't got a personal story that enforces that theory. Even if you forget about the nine months of being pregnant and the joys of childbirth, even once they're born the majority of men are pretty much useless.

This is a hot topic for me at the moment because over the last week I've had homicidal thoughts towards daddy, been a bit cross with daddy. The thing is, I'm happy (most of the time) to do everything but sometimes I need a break & this is where we run into trouble......

Last week I 'booked' a sleep in. I booked it on Monday morning because daddy doesn't work Sunday evenings. He asked me what time I wanted to wake up, I said at least 8am. I thought I'd made it clear however that I wanted to wake up naturally, just like he does every damn day. The night before I told him how I was really looking forward to, waking up slowly, stretching, rubbing my eyes and taking my sweet ass time. But all daddy heard was '8am'. So, at 803am, daddy and Max came trudging into the bedroom *sigh*. Because daddy only hears what daddy wants to hear, in this case '8am'.
*Disclaimer: I was still appreciative of the sleep in.

I dragged my sorry butt into the kitchen and started preparing Max's breakfast. It was at this time that daddy announced he was going for a nap. Getting up at 5am was exhausting work, he said. I won't repeat my exact response, but it was something like "my darling, I always get up at 5am and I don't have the luxury of a recovery snooze". To daddy's credit, he stayed awake.

Daddy now has a full-time job, which is great. For a few months, I was the sole income earner and it sucked. I worked crappy night shift hours, because it paid better. I barely slept because I hated missing out on time with Max. I also, did most of the work around the house, because it was 'all too much' for daddy. When daddy started working, I never expected him to do much to help me- hey I may be cranky but I'm not deluded. But, not only does he do sweet f--- all, he expects a ticker tape parade for the f--- all that he does do. That alone is enough to piss me off but thenhe criticizes my parenting.......

The hours that daddy works is 3pm until midnight. One of the perks of that, is that he has been able to deal with Max during our recent 'party time at 3am' problem. For that, I am grateful. The problem with those hours though, is that he isn't around for baby bedtime and that has been a NIGHTMARE lately. He is asleep in the morning, when I'm trying to get us organized for the day and entertain Max at the same time. All I want (and I've told him this), is for him to be awake for an hour at the most so that I can organize things. Then he can sleep, all damn day for all I care. Last week, Max was teething, his moods were revolting AND he was clingy. Daddy could hear all the commotion, but did he ever get up to help?
**Disclaimer: I know that most mummy's have to do the morning rush alone because daddy has gone to work. My question is this- would mummy be annoyed if she went into the bedroom and daddy said "having trouble with him this morning are ya?"

Last Thursday afternoon, I snapped. I was such a frazzled, exhausted mess in the morning, that daddy took the afternoon off work to give me a break. Lovely. I was so appreciative, even though I secretly suspect that he just didn't want to work.

What should have been a relaxing time, was totally revolting. Max started screaming his head off & daddy tried to settle him. After a while of nothing working, I tried to gently tell him the strategies that I've found effective. Got my head bitten off for interfering.

So, I sat back on the couch and listened as the screaming continued, for what seemed like hours. I thought that this would prove to daddy, just how difficult Max has been lately.....nope. It's apparently my fault, for not having him in a strict routine (how do you propose I do that, when we have a medical/therapy appointment nearly every day???)

So, I kept sitting, trying to ignore the chaos in the other room. I tried to telepathically send him the message, "he's teething and you know that, panadol, panadol, panadol".

Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and went to get the panadol myself. We'd run out of the old stuff, so I'd bought a new bottle, that just so happened to be a different brand. And guess what? Daddy was furious that I'd changed panadol brands without telling him. Daddy was also angry that I hadn't intervened with the panadol earlier......excuse me? I thought you didn't want me interfering? I'm always trying to explain to him, the therapy exercises we are doing etc. On a good day he feigns interest for awhile, most of the time, he doesn't bother. But apparently the panadol brand is something I should've communicated.

I'm exhausted at the moment. I'm drained. I'm overwhelmed. I'm so stinking tired. And I cracked it. I was literally paralyzed by the anger. I couldn't scream and I couldn't cry, I was just too damn angry. This would be the first time in Max's life that I felt absolutely no guilt about walking away. I went straight to bed (it was 4pm) and I slept all night. I left daddy to deal with everything.

You'd think he would've learnt his lesson about pissing off a sleep deprived, frazzled mummy after that. But noooooo. A few days later, he picked me up after my night shift and declared that he was going to bed first. Turns out that he stayed up most of the night playing playstation and drinking bourbon........

Daddies totally suck, ass. Today daddy left his tracksuit pants on the bathroom floor. I used them as a bathmat.

How on earth did you reach daddies movie guide Max??

Stop Max. No. Don't figure out how to use the remote control. It'll completely destroy your father......


  1. Man , I think you are a saint Faith. I would be so first be so crushed then I 'd get stabby too. I think Daddy should pull his fingers (all 10 of them) out and give you a hand.
    I would crack to more often as long as you know Max is safe ...Faith you are human and you deserve a break.
    Also this is not spam but serious ...check out $30 date night , treat yourselves to some home dates( I sense you don't leave Max much and I wouldn't either) and make things fun again for the both of you. Then when Daddy is in a good mood , use it to your advantage and tell him you want him to give you more of a hand.
    Your relationship is worth it and so are you.

  2. Hello lovely, great to find your blog. Wow! you have a lot going on in your home and your cherubs is just so gorgeous. Being a mother is seriously hard work and can be downright depressing some days. It takes time to work out a routine with your children and especially a routine that you both feel happy with as parents. It sounds like you need a little break, maybe a walk to the park or even a morning out window shopping. You are so not alone in what you are feeling or going through. Hope your days improve a little xx Naomi

  3. Thanks guys. I'm actually having a break right now!! Max and daddy have gone shopping. I'm just about to lie down on the couch and soak up the silence!!!

  4. Oh dear Lord, I would have snapped too!! Motherhood is hard enough at the best of times, let alone when daddies aren't doing their bit :(
    I echo Trish's sentiments to spend a little time wooing him. When I'm starting to lose it, the times that I've purposely and intentionally bitten my tongue and done something to make my husband happy/feel loved, I usually find that suddenly I'm getting the help I need, or at least a much happier husband who is more fun to be around. Hope things improve with him soon!

  5. I remember those days all too well. I don't recall ever being as tired as I was looking after a baby. I think I spent most of that time walking around like a zombie! Thankfully they do grow out of it. I really feel for you Faith. Its so bloody hard being a mum...especially when hubs isn't particularly helpful. Take every moment you can to recharge and do nothing. You deserve it! Sending supportive vibes your way. Cheers, Lis.

  6. Thanks guys. Max has been horrible this evening and I'm feeling so broken! Off to bed for me!

  7. I thank you so much for telling it how it is...years ago i had been up ALL night while daddy was at the pub/nightclub as per usual, in the morning i got up to the kids fighting and asked daddy dear to deal with it, to his reply.."if you were doing your job properly they wouldn't be fighting"!..i stood frozen for a moment not beleiving my ears then took every ounce of what i had left not to smash the frying pan over his head...walked away calmly taking deap breaths and today my divorce came through!!!