Saturday, 25 March 2017
Goodbye and thank you
This will be the final post I write for 'Maxwell and Me'. I started writing this blog, when Max was still in hospital and he'd just moved from ICU up to the Neuro ward. It was around the time, when every day of that 6 week admission seemed to get longer and longer. A good friend of mine, suggested I start writing it all down and so 'Maxwell and Me' was born.
My mind was in a dark place back then, but I was hellbent on never admitting to that. My baby boy had brain damage and his future had become a big, fat question mark of 'wait and see'. I was terrified. The fear was such, that I could barely comprehend it myself, let alone communicate it to anyone else. Over the last 6 years, writing has given me the outlet to express all the things, I'd never be brave enough to say aloud.
In December 2016, we reached the business end of medical litigation proceedings which started way back in 2011. I learnt, that if living in June 2011 was tough, RE-living June 2011 was actually shit tons harder. In the weeks leading up to the Directions Hearing, I was able to read through the piles of progress notes and medical reports which had been submitted to the Court. Easily the most painful and confronting part of this entire fucking experience.
The good news though, is that on the 10th of March, this happened-
Recently, several things have happened, which have shown me just how far we've come. I've spent most of the last 6 years, feeling as though I was standing in front of a firing squad. There was nothing but stress bullets from every god damn direction. I've been broken, rebuilt and then broken again. But now? Now I feel like waving my hands in the air, yelling "Look at me!! I'm totally calm! I'm not bat-shit crazy anymore!!!"
(Edit. I'm possibly still bat-shit crazy)
Max turned 6 last week, he's in his second year at school, and his behaviour has become more manageable. Silvie, at 2 and a half, is the smartest kid I know and also her own unique brand of cray-cray. We have a kitten called George, a messy 70's style house and a backyard we play in for hours. I've started looking for a new job and I'm finally gunna start writing that book I've been promising to write. Maybe someday, I'll get brave and start dating again (haha, not likely).
Thank you to every single person who has followed this blog and supported us in various ways throughout this journey. I'm not sure I'd have found the strength to survive, if it weren't for the army of people standing in our corner.
Now, the time has come to close this chapter of my life and move on to the part where everyone lives happily ever after.......
........but that's another story.
Goodbye and thank you.
Over and out