Dear Therapist

Dear Therapist,

Please excuse me for being grumpy with you these last few months. It's just that I'm so tired. and it's a kind of tired that sleep can't fix.

I'm tired of our sessions where you push my son, often until he cries. He's only 19 months and he's not training for the Olympics. I know better than anyone that he's strong willed, and I know he needs to be pushed. You take it too far.

Do you ever look at your own son and imagine him having special needs? I never imagined my son having special needs. Despite everything I have to be grateful for, my heart still aches every single day. It's a pain I can't describe, it wasn't meant to be this way.

I've told you so many times, he needs a little break between activities. He's so young, he can't stay focused for an entire hour. Can your toddler stay focused for a whole hour?
I'm not an overprotective mother and I'm firm with him when I need to be. However, I see no point in making it a miserable experience for him. He's going to need therapy for a very long time.

Do you ever wonder why my son won't go anywhere near you? He cuddles with his other workers but he doesn't like you. It's because every single time he goes near you, you restrain his good arm so he can't use it. I tell you every week to stop doing that. I will do the restraining because I know when he'll tolerate it. You never listen.

I'm tired of motivating my son to do therapy. I'm tired of him being so resistive. I'm tired of lying in bed at night thinking of sneaky ways of doing therapy. I'm tired of nurses, doctors and therapists who don't listen to me. I've been with him through every medical procedure and every therapy session. Please trust my judgement when I tell you what works.

I know that your care plans are mandated by a higher power. I think they're a crock of shit. You spring it on me without warning, it puts me on the spot and I struggle to think of what goals he needs to work on. He continually interrupts our conversation, so I never have any valuable input.

The only reason we keep seeing you, is because he needs to stay linked in with an Early Intervention Program. I don't know what his future holds and I can't sever ties with you just yet. I've come to dread our weekly sessions and it's no coincidence I haven't been there for the last few weeks. I know you're a nice person, but I'm so close to snapping and I don't want to do that. I know you're the expert in therapy but I'm the expert in Max.

Dear therapist. Please listen.