Max, I was completely floored and unprepared for the intensity of the love I felt for you. It frightened the be-Jesus outta me and made me a little cuckoo (nothing has changed). For the first few weeks, I couldn't sleep, unless your father was awake to watch you breathe. One night, I busted him fast asleep during his 'watch'. Initially, I was furious but then realised, I was being irrational. Nonetheless, the sleeping routine that followed, was also a little bit nutzo. Your father and I slept on the couches, with your little basinette in between us. I couldn't fall asleep, unless both of us could see you.
When I was pregnant, I told you that once you were born, you should only poop for Daddy. You timed your first major poop explosion, for when I'd ducked out to a doctors appointment and poor Daddy copped it. When I got home, your fathers face was white. His retelling of the events, made me laugh so hard, I nearly broke a rib.
You first smiled at me when you were 4 weeks old. It came on the exact same day, I was so exhausted and had started wondering if you actually hated me. That one little smile, was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen and it melted me completely. I'm so happy I was the first person, to see your beautiful smile.
Gorgeous newborn smile
The first proper smile I got on camera
What were you thinking little man?
You had your first Immunisations when you were 7 weeks old. You cried and then I cried because I felt like a total meaner. We'd bought along a bottle to pacify you afterwards but I didn't put it together properly and it spilt all over your face (you cried some more). I was horrified!
You loved bath time, but for the first few moments you always pulled the 'Charles Manson' face....
.....then you remembered that baths were awesome and you'd relax....
You were a total mummy's boy and always wanted me to hold you. You spent most of the day and half the night in my arms, despite many people warning me not to 'create a monster'. After the stroke, you hated being held like that. I'm so glad I spent those first 10 weeks snuggling with you.
Your favourite song was 'Reminiscing' by Little River Band. I used to play it to you, when you were crying and it almost always settled you. I heard that song just the other day and the emotions it bought back gutted me.
A lot has changed since those first 10 weeks. I look back at the photos of us, your father and I look so different- so young, so unaware, so completely innocent. We could never have known how close we'd come to losing you. I still wish I could go back in time and prevent you from going through every shitty thing you've gone through.
Even though I knew you were destined for greatness, you've astounded me with everything you've achieved in only 2 years. I guess you're not really a baby anymore, you're a little boy with an amazing ability to cause mischief.
I like to think I can teach you about the world but in reality, you teach me far more. You helped me find strength amidst the chaos. For that reason, this will be the last anniversary related post I write. I'm burying it in the past where it belongs. I doubt June 2nd will ever pass entirely unnoticed but there's no point dwelling on it when the future is so bright.
Onwards and upwards little man. Don't let anything hold you back.
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