What's on your mind?

It's the question, Facebook asks me everytime I update my status. "What's on your mind?". Hmmmm, that's a pretty broad question, can u narrow it down a bit? In recent weeks, there's been so many things 'on my mind', it's started to gnaw away at me. So many fucking things to think about, I don't know where to start.

For the most part, I can produce a positive counter argument for every negative thought I have. But right now, I don't want to, I can't be bothered. It's shit, it's not fair and I'm over it.

I'm drowning in the multiple debts, I accumulated during my 20's. I miss my dog, I'm in a miserable relationship and work has been intense. So much responsibility sits on these shoulders, I crave for someone to swoop in and take over. Even if it's only for a day.

The chronicity of this journey has perhaps only just started to sink in. The hidden problems that have started revealing themselves, slap me across the face like a cold, wet fish. I'm the hamster in the wheel, running all day long but getting nowhere.

So, for this post I'm abandoning the silver lining I usually find for every cloud and saying "F*ck you stroke. Why'd you choose my baby? And why the f*ck did you choose me?"

And that's what's on my mind.

June 2nd, 2012. One year on.

On Saturday, it was June the 2nd. Exactly one year ago since Max's stroke. It was a bittersweet day, one where I felt so much pride in what we've achieved but also sadness. There are things that will always haunt me from that day. The drilling into his shin, the fear of losing him and the look we got, when we followed Max up to PICU. You know, 'the look'? It's the one people give you when your baby is being wheeled around, surrounded by doctors and hooked up to life support machines. The 'look' that clearly says "I'm glad I'm not you right now".

But, I was determined to replace some sad memories with some happy ones. So, off we trudged to 'Cheeky Chinos' for a super awesome breakfast. Cheeky Chinos is a cafe actually designed for parents with toddlers. The menu is kid friendly but not trashy, the staff are nice about toddler mess and they have a play area specifically designed for toddlers. Best part? There are qualified staff in the play area, so that mummy can have a coffee in peace (rather than 'in pieces'). Here are some pics......





Max sussing the place out




Cushy and toddler proof!




Not too sure what this was but Max seemed to like it








It was super clean too








ooh tubes with stuff in them




Fancy change table with fancy lotions. They also had 'bottom mist' so his tooshy smelt like lavender




Finished off with a 'Rainbow Cino' and a muffin. He threw the rainbow Cino at some people walking in the door.

On the way home, I don't know why but I had to stop here....





This is the spot where I illegally parked, when I arrived at the hospital last year. It was here, when I picked him up and realized he wasn't sleeping, he was unconscious. On that day, I held my limp little baby and ran like I've never ran before. But, on this day? I stood there for a moment, and thanked my lucky stars that we didn't lose him. Then, we drove away and didn't look back.

P.S. Today, Max's blood test results were PERFECT for the first time ever ;-)

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