Sunday, 11 January 2015

The things I'll miss

People say some annoying stuff when you have a new baby and the thing which irked me the most this time around was 'make the most of every moment'. Really? Every. Single. Moment? Even when I'm elbow deep in poop at 2am? I'm meant to make the most of that? How's about you piss off.

Adjusting to a new little person in the house was HARD and something I initially struggled with more than I expected. I found myself feeling depressed and overwhelmed for awhile. The 'make the most of every moment' brigade drove me bat shit crazy.

Sure, I completely understand that my children will only be little for such a short time. Believe me, when Max and Silvie are angsty teens who don't wanna know me, my heart will yearn for the life I have now. But that doesn't mean I have to love every single shitty moment, because quite frankly, sometimes they suck.

I do however, make the most of every single beautiful moment we share, no matter how fleeting they may be. Sometimes, I even hear myself think 'I'm really going to miss that someday'. Like the big gummy smile Silvie gives me when she first wakes up and hasn't realised she's hungry yet. Makes me melt. Even at 2am.

I'm going to miss the laugh I get (on the inside) when Max does something utterly absurd to his sister, while she's blissfully unaware. "Max, why is there a muesli bar on Silvies head? Please don't stick your finger up her nose. Why are you licking your sister? Don't fart on the baby!" I know the day will come soon enough when she'll crack it with her overzealous big brother. For now, I bask in her babylicious tolerance.

I'm going to miss the way Max pronounces the word "look" as "yook". Actually, there are heaps of toddler words I'll miss, but 'yook' is my favourite because there's something magical about seeing the world through your child's eyes. The excitement that something completely mundane (to me), can bring to him, coupled with a really cute word just makes me SWOON. "Yook Mummy, yook, an ant! Yook mummy, dog do poo! Yook Mummy, train/car/digger/truck!". Yook here Max, don't let that speech therapist teach you how to say the word properly ok?
(Not yet anyway. Mummy isn't ready)

I'm going to miss the way Max absolutely has to 'help' making toast every morning. He gets Vegemite from here to Christchurch, then insists I say a big, emphatic "thanks for helping Max"

I'm going to miss the frantic head shaking, sucking thing Silvie does when she's hungry. I call it a 'snuzzle'. I'm going to miss the way her head wobbles like Stevie Wonder when she tries to hold it up for too long. I going to miss the way she smooches her face into my neck when she's tired. I'm going to miss the blissed out little facial expression she gets when I let the water run over her head in the shower.

Most of all, one day I'm going to miss crawling into bed at night and seeing the pair of them fast asleep next to me. Because that is when I love them the most. When the house is quiet and the chaos of the day is over. I just stare at their beautiful faces and wonder what they're dreaming about. Then I wonder how I ever lived without them.

The one thing I won't miss? The 430am wake ups. I won't miss those mofos. Not one. Single. Bit.

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