Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Impaired reflexes

Max was in a coma for the whole weekend. It sounds crazy but that weekend I felt mostly quite calm. He just looked like he was asleep and it was a relief to see him free from seizures or pain. When he was in the coma I often imagined what he would be like when he woke up. I imagined that it was just like on TV where the persons eyes open and they immediately start talking. Except in Max's case, he was only a baby so he wouldn't talk, he would look at me, smile and then try to jam his hands in his mouth. My parents had left for a cruise the day before Max got sick so at this stage, they still knew nothing. My two sisters Kylie and Tara were there and they were fabulous!
I'm not sure when it happened but at some stage over the weekend a neurologist (I think) came around to test his reflexes. This was the first time that I noticed how impaired they were on his right side. At this stage the doctors were still deciding whether he had suffered a brain bleed or a stroke (to be honest, I still don't really know the difference). I preferred the word 'bleed' because I didn't associate that with my baby being paralysed down one side. But seeing his reflexes so weak really hit me and I think I may have cried a bit. The whole time that Max has been sick I haven't cried longer then a few minutes. I feel guilty crying. My little boy is still alive and still fighting, if I cry then I feel like I'm giving up on him.

No comments:

Post a Comment