Thursday, 4 August 2011

A mothers guilt

Ok so maybe I should feel guity about this....:)

A friend of mine writes a brilliant blog about her experiences of being a first time mum. I love reading it because she says it how it is. No bullshit. It makes me reflect a lot on what being a mother is about. And it's made me realize that there is no 'perfect mum'. One thing that I never expected to feel so often as a mother is guilt. I've since learnt that this is a fairly common 'mum thing' and perhaps doesn't mean that I'm a bad mother. Recently I returned to work. I didn't feel that guilty about working, we need a roof over our head and food on the table. What I felt guilty about was needing a few hours sleep after finishing my night shift. In my glorious 'supermum' fantasies I imagined myself breezily walking in the house and continuing with the day full of smiles and love for my child. Ergh right. Instead I was smelly, surly and confused. I tried to sleep for a few hours whilst Rob entertained Max but I couldn't. Why? Because I felt guilty. It's almost like one becoming a mother you become a little bit crazy. I know that a lot of my guilt is irrational but I feel it anyway. Lately I've been able to put Max on his playmat in the mornings while I make myself a coffee. I feel guilty about leaving him on his own for my own flippant caffiene requirements. I felt guilty this morning when I woke from a fabulous dream by him crying. I put the dummy in his mouth so I could try and return to the dream. I've only once made him homemade purée and that had so many lumps in it that he wouldn't eat it. Guilty again.

1 comment:

  1. Not guilty, super mum.

    And super human. And unfortunately, humans need sleep xxx