I like the picture above. I wanted to find a picture that could sum up how I feel sometimes. It's a long path, but it's a nice path and one that I could spend forever walking. That's how I feel about Max. I know that we have a long journey ahead of us, but I look forward to it. As long as I have my son, I have my happy place.
I have so many friends who have babies and before Max got sick I was getting into a great routine of visiting them. Now we either don't have time or I don't really want to. Seeing other babies makes me sad. Seeing other babies reminds me of the time when life was easy. Ok, so being a parent is never easy but when your child see's 10+ specialists, it's a little more complicated. I find it hard to relate to other parents now because I'm jealous. There. Said it. I'm jealous. I'm jealous because their kids are healthy and don't need to work as hard as my son does. I know that no one is jealous of me. Secretly, I know that people are glad that they aren't me.
But even though I'm jealous sometimes and maybe a bit lonely, I'm not depressed. Life has dealt me this hand for a reason and I'm strong enough to deal with it.
I don't blame you for feeling any of those things!
ReplyDeleteI don't even want to pretend I must know how hard it is.
But a certain little boy is turning 1 in December, and it would be fantastic if you guys would like to come :)
Keep staying strong, I admire your strength daily!
I'm really moved by this post Faith. Like Cherie, I can't even begin to know how hard the road you are on each day is...especially with massive days of appointments like your most recent! Hellish!
ReplyDeleteI'm moved because I wish that you didn't have to feel like this and that there was more out there that was accessible in terms of support. I'm also moved because Max has an amazing role model in you as his mum. Someone who can express their emotions and be honest and real. Despite the hard times that could like ahead for you and the hard work Max has ahead of him, I hope and pray that the strength you posess can be helpful in lightening the burden even just a little. xx